Saturday, June 24, 2017
Seeking God in suffering
Saturday June 24, 2017
How long will you forget me, LORD?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long will I be left to my own wits,
Agony filling my heart? Daily?
How long will my enemy keep defeating me?
Look at me!
Answer me, LORD my God!
Restore sight to my eyes!
Otherwise, I’ll sleep the sleep of death,
And my enemy will say, “I won!”
My foes will rejoice over my downfall.
But I have trusted in your faithful love.
My heart will rejoice in your salvation.
Yes, I will sing to the LORD
Because he has been good to me.
When I pregnant with Harry, I had some complications. It was always on my mind that he may be delivered too early. It was the topic of every visit with my doctor. It weighed heavily on me. Both Dan’s and my mother had lost babies who had been born too early.
While so many mothers have this glow about them in their pregnancy, I felt like Eeyore with a dark cloud following me around. There was much crying and fearfulness. I had a number of friends that came to my house to comfort me, they held my hand and fed my family so I could rest and wait.
I can remember one Sunday morning, Eva was being a typical toddler and didn’t want to get ready to leave the house, and so I left her with Dan and I went to our patio and waited for them to get to the car so we could head to worship. My prayer that morning was just to get to worship, just to be in the presence of others who followed Christ through all of life’s ups and downs. I can remember that once we got there, it was too much to be in the sanctuary, so I moved to the hallway outside of the sanctuary and sat on a couch. The back wall of the sanctuary was all glass with a sound system that had speakers for people to hear in the hallway. What I remember most, is that no one challenged me or encouraged me to come back inside, they honored my need to be exactly where I was. I did not reach the bottom of the pit in my pregnancy, but felt pretty darn close to it.
In community we share in one another’s struggles and we allow one another the space to be in the long uncertainty of suffering, grief and healing. In faithful community we stand with and walk along side as God does. Ours is not a place of offering a simple solution but a space to fully honor whatever it is we are working through.
Prayer: God of desert places, we remember the moments that Christ suffered and know that we are not alone in our suffering. Help us to be mindful of those in our world who have found themselves in a place of abandonment. In your Holy name we pray, Amen.
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