The Anniversary of his birthday

Today is September 25.  If my brother was still alive he would be celebrating his birthday today.  I have struggled with the approach of this day for about a week.  
I hold back tears as I say to friends "my brother's birthday is on Thursday."

And in the recesses of my memory I can hear his voice saying "hey Les" and I wonder if that memory will fade over time and I won't be able to recall the sound of his voice.

And in that moment my heart breaks all over again.
And an enormous chasm of grief takes over.

There is just something about birthdays.
I eagerly anticipate the celebration of my family members when their day roles around.

With my kids I always say "stop growing!"  I cannot believe you are already a year older, where has all of the time gone?

Yet instead of thinking that today, "I cannot believe you are already a year older",it is more of a "would have been" day.  I would have given him a call.  I would have listened to the Grateful Dead and thought of my bro.  I would have waited to hear about his dinner out with his daughter. 

Tonight between making dinner, helping with homework and my husband running off to work, we are taking time to celebrate and remember my brother's life and his "would have been" day.

We'll make origami cranes and hang them in our tree in the front yard and most likely have the voice of Jerry Garcia in the background.

"Happy birthday Tom, we miss you."

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